Why I love “The Onion”:

May 30, 2008 at 1:41 pm 1 comment


Closing of Homeless Shelter Leaves College-Application-Padding Students with Nowhere To Turn

Doors shut on much-needed extracurriculars

May 30, 2008 | Issue 44•22

NEW YORK— After years of providing hope and assistance to resume-padding volunteers, the Second District Homeless Shelter closed its doors this week, leaving hundreds of desperate students without anything to write under “Other Interests.”

The shelter, long a place of refuge for those in need of extracurricular credit, was shut down Monday due to statewide budget cutbacks and a drop-off in private donations. According to sources, the news has devastated countless high school seniors who had come to depend on the outreach center in order to impress prospective colleges.

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Entry filed under: social issues.

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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. robertrandall  |  May 31, 2008 at 10:16 pm

    It’s satire of course, but like all good satire it has a stinging truth. Social agencies provide desperately needed benefits to the disadvantaged but they’re also good for the economy, bringing in government cash and providing lucrative employment to just about anyone with the appropriate degree or experience. It’s a growth industry in this town, that’s for sure. But really, shouldn’t our long-term goal be to wind down this industry? Do we have the courage to envisage a city that one day doesn’t need these support systems? Wouldn’t it be great if Rev. Al and the staff at AVI were standing in line at the EI office because their services were no longer requiired–that their occupations went the way of the cigar maker, the blacksmith and the typesetter?


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